Bike Riders, A Rant by Baskin Monkey

We are gonna talk about something that really fucking annoys me. It’s these fucks that ride their bikes on the road. I’m not talking about kids either, I am talking about these fuckers that get dressed up in their reflective jumpsuits and interfere with my fucking driving. Let me get one thing through all of your thick skulls. You are a goddamned pedestrian! You are not meant to ride your bike on the side of the damn road. That’s the reason that we have bike trails and shit, there are places for your fucking bike that are not on the same path as my car.

The reason that this rant boiled to a head was because I was driving to the grocery store and we saw a bike riding fuck who cut me off as I was pulling out of an intersection. My kindergarten aged son said “Why’d that guy riding his bike on the road? That’s stupid.”

Even if I am willing to look past the fact that you are basically riding an oversized child’s toy which I’m not and admit that riding your bike for health and fitness is really worth a shit this is the fact that really gets on my damn nerves. When you ride that fucker on the road shit for brains, you put everyone that you come into contact at risk of injury or worse when they are trying not to run your worthless ass over.

But Baskin you say, how can you interfere with someone’s right to ride their fag-mobile where they want to Easy, once you have become a danger to other people your right to do what you want is null and void. Slowing down traffic to a dangerous crawl is not a matter of personal liberty no matter how many different ways that you try to slice it.